I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
