Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
