i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
