i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
