I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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