A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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