If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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