So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Found the puke drawer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
