Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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