She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
