I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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