aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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