you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
