I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
