Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
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ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
