My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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