No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
