one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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