We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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