i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
