dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
