Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
