Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
