I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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