Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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