I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
