i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
