I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
