It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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