You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Two words: nipple clamps
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