plz talk dirty to me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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