Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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