The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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