My room smells like vodka and shame
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hippo gnu deer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
