Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
