I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
