All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
