Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
