never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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