he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
