cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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