the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
