She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
