ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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