as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
