grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
