It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize