Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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