Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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