There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
