You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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