maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i now understand why vodka
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
