She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize