We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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