Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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