There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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