I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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