After last night, I could never be a politician.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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