i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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