i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
