I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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